My “God!”

“Mum!” the first word a child learns to speak…The first word I uttered was “Papa!” my mum complains…She might be exaggerating to an extent! But she is true…I share an unfathomable connection with my dad…

”Strong”, “an epitome of love and care”, “wisdom personified”, “intelligence exemplified” are the few words I describe my dad with…As I make an attempt to scribble on this blog, I am falling short of words to pour out my feelings and expressions…

He is my “God”, my "strength", my “Angel” who has come to my rescue whenever I needed..

My “faith”, my reason for “belief”, in “myself”, my “aspirations” and my “dreams”… Ever since I can recall, he has been like a pillar for me…extending support everytime I was about to fall, reinforcing me within…

As a kid, I still remember him wake me up in the morning, dress me up for school, tie my shoe laces, remind me hundred times to not forget my “Tiffin box” while he hung the tiny “water bottle” around my neck…I remember him waving goodbye as I get into the school bus….eyes speaking of “assurance” and “confidence” in his little daughter…

He lives for us, smiles for us and works for us….

He has held my hand all my life...he has been with me in my sporadic bouts of happiness and despair…He has made me comfortable when life catapulted me into turmoil…

He has been my mentor who taught me some important lessons of life as I stepped into this “big, bad” world…”You still have a lot to learn beta”, he says…

My dad gave me the much needed pat on my back when I accomplished something…He gave ”Conciliation to my angst, a comforting smile, a hug when I was worried and an outlet to my tears” ……He pulled me out of my worst times and cleared the mess I made…

I owe him countless lifetimes for things he has done for me…for the sleepless nights I gave him…for molding the kid in me …for feeling my pain…for listening me blabber and never complain…for all the selfless love he showered…for being with me through thick and thin…for his innumerable prayers…for his infinite blessings…

God! Forgive me for all the hurt I caused him…

If I were to born again, make me his child…I wish to live one more life with him!

Confessions!!

Its 4 am, and I am wide awake on my bed...I face these periods quite often when I can’t sleep.... Tonight was one of those “difficult” days.....I could hear the rain hitting my window....The sound was furious and piercing.....As the water thumped hard on the window glass, it brought a lot of thoughts..... Thoughts! about me, my beloved and our lives......I could feel the flash of lightning on my face as it kept pouring heavily outside......He is like that too..... He came into my life and brightened it the way lightning shoves away the darkness.....While I lie on my bed and close my eyes, I see his eyes which promise love and care..... It assures me a life long companionship and a reason to live.....

Here I am waiting for my much awaited life to begin; I look at him and our love which brings in hope and joy with the sun rise everyday.... I anticipate wonderful things and dream of beautiful moments together...... I want to see! I want to feel! I want to love and be loved!

I dream of curling up in his arms.... I see him wake up early, make coffee and wake me up..... While the coffee sits undrunk on the table, he makes love to me as if he hasn’t seen me for eons....

I want to wake up every morning to his sweet face....I desire to hear the beat of his heart while he kisses on my lips....I long for him to whisper those magical words in my ears as I hold my breath.... I wish to jump high somewhere over the rainbow and paint the sky with our names together.....I yearn to sit together by the sea and listen to the waves lap against the rocks….gurgles of the fishes… as we stare in silence at the sun setting in the horizon far away….

I close my eyes, join my hands together and pray. May our love bring out the best in each other with every passing day!

Desires.....

What do I want??? I woke up with this bizarre thought this morning...

Well! After musing on for a while, I realized my list is never ending…

Actually not! I am not that hard to deal with….

“Something to do, someone to love and and something to hope for”….I breathe this notion and it has been a part of me all this time…..Simple things make me happy….and loss of something small hurts worse than losing a life time….respect feels best when reciprocated….and sensitivities need to be attended...

Paani poori still tastes better than pizza…mom’s lap is still more comfortable than the costliest mattress…dad’s few comforting words can still calm the wildest of storms in the head…grandparents’ experience can still surpass the most contemporary knowledge.. ..…strolling on the snow pleases me…music brings immense joy…sense of belonging is what I need the most…

I still dream of a small pretty house with the kids playing in the garden….love is the most desired thing….and heartaches can’t be tolerated…

Damn simple! Am I asking for a lot????

5 Months

Feels like yesterday when the plane took off from US….Its been close to 5 months in India…quite an “eventful” period….I have now turned 24 which makes me realize that I am aging and have supposedly reached the quarter life crisis…Some grey hair have already started to show up prodding me to get far and ahead...I still feel tapped in a cocoon sometimes….overprotected by my family… It’s high time to come out of this “heavenly comfortable shell”…

I am soon going to start the new phase of my life…I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to imagine what my future would be like….all I see is a mixture of million questions, apprehensions, uncertainties and hopes backing it all....But I get strong when I see my father’s assuring and hopeful eyes…when I feel my mother’s tender touch…when I see my little brother’s gleaming eyes which look up to his sister..

Hope I make my loved ones proud.....

New York City

NEW YORK, the first time I heard about it was probably when I had just begun to learn Geography at the age of 6 or 7. As a kid, I could only dream of visiting NY as I was told that it’s a far off land where people see the sun when I can’t.

But the dream came true after 14 years when I first visited United States to pursue my masters. It was my first short tryst with the “city of dreams” as I continued my journey to Philadelphia. Being the port of entry to the United States, I had to carry out all my early formalities like immigration, customs clearance etc at JFK, one of the biggest airports in the world. Though I didn’t get to see the city, I was quite awed with the functioning of this global gateway.

80 miles from Philadelphia, I got my first chance to visit NYC after 1 year of stay in United States. Believe me or not, I fell in love with it at first sight.

Be it swarming 33^rd and Broadway, iconic Times Square and its huge number of animated neon and LED signage or heaving China Town, I became fond of all of them. I wanted to be close to NYC, enjoy its beat and feel the zest.

It was not far that I got my internship in Newark, 30 minutes from Manhattan and NYC soon turned into my second home. My frequent visits made me more and more familiar to it. It taught me some very important lessons- lessons about life, work, people and their incessant passion. The ever-hurrying pedestrians, the constant buzz of traffic, the dazzled tourists - reminds me of our very own 'Mumbai'! It is so full of life and activity that the word "fast" is often replaced by the phrase "in a New York minute" in day-to-day parlance.

The unrelenting zeal towards life and intensely urban aspects of Manhattan is what I love about NYC. Trips in subways, a steaming cup of coffee at Starbucks, long walks on snow clad streets, chilly winters, beautifully adorned and lit up streets on Christmas and shopping at Fashion Avenue is something I really miss.

I hope to go back one day to my juvenile days’ fairyland.

Musings.....

As I laze on my couch with my headphones on , I reminisce so many things.. Time to give my thoughts an outlet after a long hiatus...

Rightly said "Life comes in chapters"..so erratic, enigmatic, annoying and beautiful at times...its just 2 hours to dawn and I am at threshold of my life..
I am happy and at peace after a long time..Thanks a ton to my parents and family who love me unconditionally...and a sweet friend!

Yes! I found a friend for my life..as sweet as honey , as cute as cup cake, as calm as a millpond, as naughty as a kid.."a sugar pill" in true sense...:)

They say " Love is like fire, once it sparks, you can't stop it "..
Am I in love?? Yes I am! Oh my God ! :)

I am a new person.. unchained and free..I want to live again, embrace life together.. with arms wide open ....slowly weave my nest like a tailor bird..
Is this post a confession? Well, at least looks like...My confession of eternal love which will last till I take my last breath..

This is for you sweetheart! I love you lots....Like a shell safeguards a turtle , like a sharp thorn protects a rose, my love will always look out for you..Come whisper love and hope!..Its our journey together..!

Disguised...

Some people come into our lives and flip it 180.
We begin dreaming, move our souls to dance, awaken ourselves to understanding that the world is more beautiful together, the sky more beautiful to gaze upon, dreams too many to fulfil and life too short to not live.
The next moment, we are deserted with our souls crushed, world fallen apart, dreams crumpled and life disillusioned.
Why do we not see the hidden face, “dark, heinous and the cruel one?” Why were "we" chosen?
They stay in our lives, play with our hearts, juggle with our emotions and abandon us.
and we are never, ever the same....